Sunday, December 14, 2008

God, I will do anything you ask; just tell me what you want me to do!

In 1994 my first marriage had lasted roughly 8-years before I felt that God required me to relocate. My wife was most comfortable where we were (we were living in her home town and she had a position of responsibility in the church) and was not willing to go with me. I had to obey God's call if I were to prove to Him that I would obey his every direction. We considered this irreconcilable diffferences and decided to "go our separate ways." Fortunately we never had children to complicate things and within a couple months' time we finalized the divorce and made a clean and perminant break. I have not seen nor heard from her since. (Occasionally I've tried to Goggle her, but as yet have not found her. Not with an intent to re-unite with her, but I am curious about how life has worked out for her and hoping that she has found happiness and fufilment.)

As a strict Mormon, I believed that I was in direct communication with God and that he was directing my path. I so desperatly wanted to please Him and obey his every word! I found myself with a group of people who believed that they were the Chosen of God. I met my current wife there and though we didn't have initial attraction for each-other, I felt directed by God to marry her, and she felt that she had no better options, so agreed to marry me. For all intents and purposes it was a marriage of convenience for both of us. About 16-months later our first child was born.

After another two years of eye-opening experiences and increasing enlightenment, plus the birth of a second child; we left that group and religion all together and moved away to real civilization with the intent to focus on life and family. At that time I had decided that I was done with religion for the time being, electing to focus on raising my kids to be open minded and accepting. As far as religion goes, I put that on a distant shelf, with basically an agnostic view of theology. When 9-11 happened, that was the final eye opener for me in sealing my agnostic, or non-thiest perspective.

Theologically, I was free of the beliefs in God, Satan, the Devil, or any other being that had any interest in me and / or my soul. I no-longer even believed in the existance of the soul. However, old habits die hard and belief systems that have been ingrained into the fabric that makes up a person typically do not change over night.

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